


Advertising Space

by iamamiwhoami



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternative Timeline, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Moving, Reflection, ReignCorp, Self-Reflection, familiarity, past trauma, supergirl - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22336924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamamiwhoami/pseuds/iamamiwhoami
Summary: Sam knows Lena loves her and that she would never hurt her voluntarily, but as she watches her brilliant stunning girlfriend surrounded by people almost as brilliant and smart as she is, Sam can't help but wonder what she has to offer.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Lena Luthor
Comments: 20
Kudos: 151





	Advertising Space

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I always wanted to write something related to jealousy and I felt that Sam would be an interesting character to do so. I love her so much and I miss her the whole time. Looking forward to see our girl in episode 100!
> 
> As usual, english is not my native language and I thank you for your kindness.
> 
> Wish you a good reading. :) 
> 
> P.s: Deliberately inspired by Advertising Space, Robbie Williams.

Samantha Arias never thought she would have to deal with this. She has been going through hell from an early age, from her mother's indifference and ignorance to miscarriage to the loss of her scholarship at Metropolis University to general unemployment. She went on stumbling after stumbling until she managed to stay upright. Even while she was climbing on LexCorp it was difficult, there were always bad people trying to outwit her or underestimate her ability.With Lena, on the other hand, it was never hard.

With Lena it was all about wine, dance, silence and tenderness. It was almost as if they knew exactly how to deal with the differences that made them collide sometimes, and it would all be resolved by long conversations, tearful forgiveness and clothes on the floor.

She never had to suffer and be mistreated and subdued when it came to Lena. The incredible young scientist is the only existence that never made her feel like she wasn't worth it, the only one who believed in her and asked her to work for the company, the one who made her fall in love as easily as breathing and the one who kissed her and smiled at her as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

They moved to National City a few weeks ago, where Lena is opening L-Corp after her brother's crimes scandal in Metropolis. Sam didn't hesitate to take her hand and embark on the journey and all the changes, accepting the position of CEO so Lena could focus exclusively on science. They chose a loft with many windows in the heart of the city and the feeling of home started as soon as Lena arrived at the end of an afternoon after long bureaucratic meetings to work out the last details of the new company and yet she rolled up the sleeves of her expensive and perfumed shirt and helped Sam finish painting the living room, the two of them making a mess and rolling between kisses and giggles in front of the hearth.

Again, everything was perfect and she never thought she would have to deal with this, a jealous fear that wrap her stomach that started nine days after the first day of work at L-Corp, when she went down to the underground labs to take Lena to lunch. She entered silently until she heard a rumble behind the machines at the entrance and came face to face with Lena and a red-haired woman and a short man with glasses beside her, the three in white coats bent over a microscope.

It's weird. She wondered if Lena had forgotten that they were going to lunch together. But Lena never forgot, she was terrible at taking care of herself and often forgot to eat, but when they agreed to go together, Lena used to be at her office door even before the appointed time. And if she forgot once, what would be the problem after all?

She seemed so focused that Sam couldn't help but stop to admire. She didn't understand the subject, the gestures like fingers on rulers and circles in the air, imaginary lamps flashing over their heads, but it looked promising, like everything about Lena Luthor.

As if she could notice her presence, Lena lifted her head and her face lit up in a wide smile, her green eyes widened behind her goggles. She was flushed and euphoric and Sam's heart swelled with love, although she still had doubts about those two strangers.

“Darling...” Lena sighed, melting.

"Hey babe." Sam shrugged.

"These are Alexandra Danvers and Querl Dox." Lena introduced them and they both waved happily at Sam, who waved back shyly. “And this is my lovely Samantha Arias, the CEO who keeps L-Corp in full steam ahead. Alex it's a bio-engineer and FBI physician and Dox is a 12th level intellect coluan, Sam. Isn't it amazing? The samples we're studying, darling, you wouldn't believe what we can unravel with this…”

She really couldn't imagine it and a strange feeling came over her, like when you feel out of place, uncomfortable and disconcerted, which is weird, because she would never feel that way around Lena or her passion for science.

"Did we interrupt you?" Dox asked genuinely concerned.

"Oh no, of course not." Sam smiled as best she could, still lost in her confused state. "I just came to get Lena for lunch. You two are welcome to join."

"We should go back to work, but thanks for your kindness." Alex smiled guiltily, checking her wristwatch.

"We'll definitely take notes on the schedule for the next time, and we won't accept refusal." Lena smiled playfully and held the refrigerated acrylic sample box in her hands to gave back to the agent.

"Keep it." Alex pushed slightly, smiling at her. "Our partnership will enhance our work in a way we can't afford you and this is more useful here with you than in our limited labs."

Lena nodded in gratitude, gently touching the redhead's arm and turning to hug the guy as if it were just natural to do so. He smiled contentedly and they both waved at Sam again as they took off their coats and left. It was like Samantha was mesmerized by something without explanation and a snap made her conscious and she blinked quickly, stunned when she felt Lena's fingers intertwine with hers, the lab coat was gone and her dark hair waved gently over her shoulders, purse in her arm, ready to go.

“Are you feeling alright, darling?” Lena whispered fondly, touching her face suddenly pale and confused before her.

Sam put on her best smile, which was not difficult around Lena, and nodded as if nothing had happened.

Everything was fine. The city seemed to have decided to give Lena a vote of confidence, just as Sam had expected. Lex was an insane criminal, but he was also eloquent, smart and charismatic. But Lena had a charm about her, Sam believed, she was also eloquent, smart and charismatic like her brother, but she had an inner desire to do good, to bring evolution and revolution to the world, to improve people's lives. She was kind to them without any ulterior motives, she would bite pretentious men in meeting rooms and play with children in the hospitals that L-Corp subsidized. At the same time, the company's shares rose and this gave rise to more partnerships.

Within a couple of weeks, everything is awkward again.

Samantha was aware of the meeting with the directors of Spheerical Industries, she would host this meeting herself, but she wasn’t waiting, when she took the elevator to the lab to tell Lena that everything had gone perfectly at the conference, to find a new presence in her girlfriend’s laboratory.

To make the surprise even more weird, she wasn't expecting that she would come across Jack Spheer himself, the company's heir, watching Lena working with a series of scientific drawings and graphics, leaning on the table like a child in an amusement park . Sam stopped at the entrance and waited and his smile seemed to light up the space like a beacon. He was fascinated, she could tell, she already found herself looking at Lena like that several times.

The sensation hit her again right in the pit of her stomach, like acid. Jealousy. Jealous of how he could stand there looking at Lena. Jealous of the midnight blue suit that falls so perfectly on him, as well as the moccasins colored in aged wood. Jealous of his perfect beard and perfect hair and his perfect smile. Jealous of him, because the man was brilliant and rich and handsome and all.

"Sam!" Lena's voice echoed through the lab and she practically ran towards her, Samantha instinctively opening her arms to hold her on impact. Lena wrapped her arms around her unsuspecting girlfriend's neck, a pad of papers still in her hands, and kissed her repeatedly on the chin, lips, nose, almost jumping on her short legs to kiss her forehead, spreading lipstick marks all over her face.

"Someone is happy today." Sam couldn't help but laugh.

"Sam, it's phenomenal, just phenomenal!" Lena echoed static. "Jack's research, darling, we're talking about something in the magnificence of curing cancer! Cancer, Sam, can you believe it?"

"Babe..." Sam found herself speechless. "Yes, it's phenomenal!"

"Jack is a genius, we may change the world." She turned slightly to smile at the man, who seemed suddenly a little shy.

Sam waved at him and felt even more awkward.

"How was the meeting?" Lena returned to her. "Are you alright? Did they give you a hard time?"

"Miss Luthor, if I may..." Jack cleared his throat and moved closer, deliberately taking Lena's hand to kiss. "I must be on my way, I have a few more meetings before the day is over. It will be a pleasure working with you." Then he made the same gesture with Sam, despite the impalpable tension surrounding them. "Miss Arias." He finished with a reverence."Miladies..."

Damn it. He also had to be polite and smell good.

Jack Spheer left the lab and Lena went back through the papers without moving an inch of Sam's warm long arms around her waist, waiting for her to tell about the meeting with the directors.

Sam almost sighed with relief when the awkward sensation disappeared inside her.

It had been a month since they arrived in National City and Sam started that day incredibly satisfied. Whether by the red bite marks under the high collar of her blouse or the fact that there were no urgent appointments at L-Corp for the day, she would never know. That's why she walks quietly through the streets of the quiet new home, towards the largest park in the city, where Lena would make a statement about a new unexpected and surprising partnership. Not even she knew which company it was, but in order to make a statement, it should be important and Lena assured her that she would approve.

She was surprised by the crowd, finding a place near the euphoric journalists, sipping her coffee and waiting to see Lena climb on the podium and announce the surprise. Punctual as always, in a few minutes she appeared like a vision, high heels, flowing hair waving in the morning breeze, her elegant purple suit falling like a glove. Sam was the first to applaud and all the spectators followed her, Lena opening the most glorious smile as soon as her eyes meet.

But suddenly Lena looked up at the sky and all the faces rose with hers to find a figure flying overhead and descending among the clouds, hovering on the dais until she stood next to Lena, arms crossed, blue and red uniform sparkling, hair golden fluttering and a smile from another world.

Supergirl was Lena Luthor's new partnership.

It shouldn't be awkward. Of course she has heard of Supergirl, the whole planet knows the great hero and protector of Earth, noble and generous and courageous, but she just couldn't help it. The Kryptonian offered her arm and Lena readily accepted, the two smiling vividly at the cameras and the unstoppable flashes.

Lena's speech started, but she couldn't hear it properly. It was about advanced technology, never touched by humans, heritage and Krypton, and about overcoming obstacles and leaving the dark past behind, about how Lena wasn't Lex and Supergirl wasn't Superman. Sam found herself crushed under the prospect of that partnership, her girlfriend next to the most powerful creature in the universe and she just watching from afar in the crowd. The feeling of jealousy got worse each time and she just wanted to get rid of it, to let it go forever, because it was ridiculous and unacceptable and inappropriate for her to feel that way. It seemed like hours had passed since it all started, until people dispersed and Lena dragged the hero towards her.

"Hey..." Sam smiled weakly, too anxious to elaborate anything else.

"Hey yourself." Lena released Supergirl's arm and took hers. The horrible feeling diminished, which made the guilt even worse. "Supergirl... Meet Samantha Arias. CEO of L-Corp and my girlfriend."

Naturalness in her words almost melted Sam from the inside out.

A look of recognition crossed the Kryptonian and she reached for a firm, but soft handshake. "Greetings, Miss Arias. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine." Sam smiled honestly, because meeting a hero like Supergirl couldn't be less than an honor. "You two were amazing back there."

"She's good with words, huh?" Supergirl winked jokingly at Lena and Sam laughed to disguise the nervousness.

"Oh, please..." Lena rolled her eyes elegantly. "You were the great presence today, Supergirl."

"You can call me Kara. Kara Zor-El, Miss Luthor." Supergirl smiled.

"Kara it is." Lena smiled back with the same satisfaction. "If you call me Lena."

"Lena it is." She bowed.

Sam was almost panicking and she hated it, because she couldn't fully understand. An anguished sigh escaped her and she shook her head. Supergirl frowned, immediately concerned, and Lena held her chin as if he were examining her, a palm gently resting on her forehead.

"Sam?" Green eyes flashed worry. "What is it?"

"Just a malaise." Sam smiled with narrowed eyes. "Will be gone in a minute."

"Would you like to be taken to a hospital, Miss Arias?" Supergirl volunteered.

"No, no, I promise I'm fine. Thank you, Supergirl." She couldn't help feeling touched by the offer.

"Kara." This time she winked at Sam.

"Sam." She countered playfully, but still a little unsteadily.

"Come." Lena kissed her cheek. "I'm taking you home. Supergirl, will we meet at a more opportune time?"

"Sure!" Supergirl smiled. "I hear sirens on the way out of town. This is my cue. Be safe, you two!" She flew, disappearing into the clouds again.

Lena began to guide her to the car in silence and Sam felt the damn guilt crawling like a serpent again. She wanted to hit herself. Lena was excited about the new partnership and she ruined her day without even knowing why.

"I'm sorry, babe." She whispered shyly.

"For what?" Lena slid from her arm to her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"I didn't want to interrupt. I know it was important."

Lena looked at her with raised eyebrows, surprised and almost incredulous, then waved at the driver opening the car door when he saw them approaching. She came in and immediately pulled Sam inside, holding her in her arms and caressing her short hair, and Sam couldn't argue, melting over the body that held her tight and secure.

"Don't you know nothing, my love?" Lena whispered as the tires growled on the asphalt and the car started to move.

Maybe she doesn't.

Sam was confused.

More than confused. She was feeling like an out of control jerk.

Back in Metropolis there were hundreds of smart, beautiful and powerful men and women, but she never felt that way in the old city, as if she became tense and insecure and inexplicably sad every time someone approached Lena, because Lena never approached those people back as she does here.

Perhaps it is the crisis of the 30s.

She was never like this and it just got more and more ridiculous and incomprehensible. Right now she was in the backseat while Frank chatted about saturday night traffic in the city, her burgundy velvet suit shining in the car like a blood moon and her hands pressed to her knees as if she could lose at any moment and bite her nails until it hurts.

Lena annually held a charity gala and the finest people showed up to celebrate, donate and do business. This time it will be new, because they're no longer in Metropolis and she doesn't know what she should expect, which makes the situation even more absurd, because she shouldn't be afraid of anyone who might appear as if she were an angry watchdog around her girlfriend.

She wasn't. She never would be.

She just didn't know what was happening.

Frank had a serpent charmer's voice and she felt calm as they drove the streets full of lights and vehicles in National City. Disembarking and walking slowly across the red carpet, greeting the security guards and some eager reporters at the entrance, it looked like she was finally appeased.

Until she saw her.

Toasting champagne with a woman she recognized as Andrea Rojas, new CEO of Catco Magazine and Lena's former girlfriend, from the days of boarding school, in a very elegant blue three-piece suit, her hair light and wavy in the wind and a witty smile, insightful, able to dethrone emperors with words only. She knew they would find Andrea sooner or later, but given the mess she was in, she didn't expect it to be this soon.

She put one foot in front of the other and begged any deity that she wasn't looking like a fool with aching joints. She couldn't help feeling like a stupid child in fear of the unreal, even though Andrea Rojas looked and gestured like a Greek Goddess. The worst part is that she always prided herself on being tough, thoughtful and diplomatic, and all those inconceivable sensations were completely out of line.

When a glass of champagne appeared before her eyes, she finally awoke from the silent torment to find Jack Spheer, more fragrant and elegant than the last time, courteously smiling at her.

Reluctantly, she couldn't refuse, smiling back at him. "Good evening, Mr. Spheer."

"Quite good, Miss Arias." He proposed a wordless toast. "Are you enjoying the event?" As if he couldn't help it, his eyes drifted back to Lena talking to Andrea Rojas.

Samantha didn't miss it and the crystal almost cracked in her hands. "I always hope it's satisfying for L-Corp's business and fun for Lena."

"An extraordinary woman." He drank all the bubbling liquid, shaking his head. "How long have you known each other?"

It was almost inevitable that all memories would burst inside her and warm her heart. "Seven years."

"You also went to Harvard?" He looked interested, back smiling at her.

"Oh, no, nothing like that..." She swallowed, feeling foolish with embarrassment. "I met her when I started working at LexCorp."

"You've been a businesswoman for a long time then?"

"Actually..." She felt herself cringing. "I started serving coffee in the company."

Luckily he smiled, though clearly surprised. "And how long have you been dating?"

The question hit a nerve, even if the man could only sound friendly and polite, but she promised herself she would never give in to the horrible emotion that had been consuming her. "It's been almost four years."

"Four years..." He seemed to ponder. "You're a lucky woman, Miss Arias."

"I am." She countered without hesitation.

Before he could ask another question that she would twist herself to answer, luckily Lena emerged among the guests, Andrea Rojas right behind her. As if there was no one else around, she approached and wrapped her arms around Samantha's waist, laying her head for a moment on her chest, sighing softly.

"You're here..." Lena looked relieved, her eyes gleaming to meet hers.

"Sorry I'm late." Sam gently kissed her forehead. "There was one last contract I wanted to review before tonight."

"You look stunning." Lena searched her from head to toe, her smile igniting everything around.

"I have to try to keep up with you, right?" She didn't want to sound nervous, but it just slipped.

Lena frowned in brief confusion, but she unwrapped her arms from Samantha's waist and pulled her suit for an affectionate kiss on her lips, taking her time as if she missed the touch.

Again, Sam didn't lose as Jack Spheer swerved to face his empty glass and Andrea Rojas seemed suddenly drawn to the chandeliers on the ceiling.

"Babe, your guests..." Samantha whispered, fascinated by the mischievous smile she returned.

"You met Jack." She turned to them, entwining her fingers with Sam's. "And this is Andrea Rojas, I believe you remember I mentioned her."

How could she ever forget?

"I bet she gave you the worst descriptions, Miss Arias." Andrea gently shook her hand. "I fear she said nothing but the truth, though."

"You are very admired, Miss Rojas." Sam returned the kindness, unable to show any trace of anxiety.

"Oh?" Andrea smiled lasciviously at Lena. "Looks like someone turned you in, Lena. Tell me more, Miss Arias! Has she ever told you how she used to get us in trouble at boarding school, if you know what I mean?"

Lena rolled her eyes playfully, but Samantha just thought she felt the crystal crack in her hand for real this time. She almost felt herself panicking with both ways in her mind to encourage the woman to tell or to diplomatically ask her to keep her mouth shut.

Which would be an absurd reaction, to say the least.

"How about you leave the stories for later and let me record a picture of the powerful ones tonight?" A deep, sharp voice interrupted her train of thought, saving her from the possible embarrassment. She recognized the man, famous in Metropolis for being friends with Superman, the only one who could register him, now Catco photographer, James Olsen."

"Mr. Olsen." Andrea smiled at the employee, almost jumping to hold Lena by her waist, posing for the picture. Samantha felt the tension, but Lena's other arm around her was numbing. Jack sighed smiling and accepted the impossibility of approaching Lena, standing next to Sam for the flash.

"Perfect." James smiled with satisfaction. "Now before I proceed, may I have a dance with the hostess?"

Lena didn't look surprised like the other three around them, but she never seemed surprised by most of the odds. She nodded graciously, but didn't go out to accept his hand before leaning back in and kissing Samantha's almost feverish cheek. "I'll be right back, darling."

"Have fun." Samantha directed sincerely.

She found the briefest justification for turning away from Jack and Andrea, who were annoyingly watching as James led Lena to the center, both laughing at something he said.

Samantha needed fresh air.

She didn't expect the night to become so long, dragging on with unwanted thoughts and inexplicably unpleasant scenes. But it was so weird, even though she understood why, all those brilliant and illustrious people around her, smiling at her, staring at her, trying to touch her in some way. Samantha was unable to do anything but remain petrified in the moonlight and the night wind, watching each of them approach.

James, the memorable photographer; Andrea Rojas, the powerful owner of Catco; and the brilliant daring innovative Jack Spheer, for the first dances. And then Mercy Graves and Sara Lance, clever notorious Scotland Yard agents, for the next. They were everywhere. Gayle Marsh, a bold awarded psychiatrist; Michael Matthews, heir to the lead industry; Lucy Lane, medaled military; Imra Ardeen, the next partnership that Lena is trying to wake up, owner of SaturnLabs; Julia Freeman, renowned classical musician; a handsome man known as Manchester Black, a controversial activist and public defender of alien rights.

Even Supergirl was there, although she didn't ask for a dance. Sam also spotted Alexandra Danvers and Querl Dox, the FBI scientists she met at the lab, accompanied by two young women, one she recognized as Detective Sawyer, who had a brief conversation with Lena when they arrived in National City due to the events in Metropolis, and another that she recognized as promising journalist Catco, Nia Nal. They didn't dance either, but they had those sparkle in their faces... for Lena.

What a hell, all the brilliant scientists and triumphant celebrities and popular figures and wealthy investors in the country lived in National City?

And did they all have a particular interest and burning eyes for Lena?

No. – She orders to herself. – Not all people are interested in Lena and even if they were this would not be unbelievable because Lena is amazing. Lena is the best person she's ever met, the most clever and beautiful and nurture and the easiest thing to happen is for people to fall in love with her because, Sam always remembered, she was falling for Lena since the first smile.

She was even farther away, staring up at the moon, thoughts in a rush, hands in her pockets, when suddenly perfume invaded her senses and long soft fingers intertwined with hers. Lena's chin landed on her shoulder and her expression looked like worry and affection gathered together..

"Hey, babe." Sam managed to whisper, returning to herself in the reflection of green eyes, tilting her head to stare at her.

Lena's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly and she lifted her other hand to catch a streak of brown hair on Sam's face, slowly placing it behind her ear. There was something about her manners, as if she was pondering words and questions, but at the same time she seemed exhausted and unable to face her own doubts.

"Hey." She just whispered back.

"Should I wrap up the party and take you home?" Sam took her hands out of her pants pocket and touched her girlfriend's tense elbows. "You need to rest." She hugged her waist and rested her forehead on hers.

Lena laughed softly, fresh breath of mint and whiskey tickling under Sam's nose, her head moving slowly in negative response. "Dance with me?" She leaned over and rested her head on her chest.

Sam wondered if Lena could feel her heart racing with unspeakable relief, delightful affection and inescapable confusion.

But she held her tight and they danced in the darkness away from the golden lights of the party and she convinced herself once again that all those inappropriate sensations would soon disappear.

At least as long as she had Lena safe in her arms.

Samantha Arias knew a thing or two about nightmares. She remembers having it when she was a child and her mother was too busy to comfort her. And the first night in college. And almost every night after the miscarriage for an entire year. And she almost forgot about them, sleeping in Lena's heat and leaving all the torments behind, even though she knew that some nightmares acted when she had her eyes open.

The nightmare in question shouldn't be as bad as the others, but it was, it was and sometimes seemed even more frightening. She could feel closing in on herself, cooling off in her own actions, losing, just losing, slipping through her fingers as she held her breath or tjust took a deep breath when irrational distress made her want to run away while she began to understand the nature of the nightmare.

The great scientist, the FBI agent, the brilliant detective, the handsome photographer, the powerful ex-girlfriend CEO, Scotland Yard, the psychiatrist, the lead, the level twelve intellect, the military, the new scientist partner, the musician, the activist, the Kryptonian superhero, everyone and everything and all the figures who seemed to leap from the depths of the culverts and alleys of National City, going straight towards Lena and introducing themselves as they were: Important and revolutionary people, the kind that changes the world for the better, creators of solutions and facilitations, beautiful existences that made a difference in their own molds.

And she's just... She's just Sam.

Lonely, simple-minded, little Sam.

The one who grew up on the filthy side of the river and was fortunate enough to be carried in a violent current into the arms of an unparalleled woman.

But it will be fine. It has to be fine, because she's not ruining it with her insecurities and uncertainties. She is safe and sure enough: She loves Lena and Lena loves her. And she needs this to be enough, even though she has to fight her own mind every day.

They were walking hand in hand on the sidewalk and Lena looked glorious with the wave of black hair floating on her left shoulder and the green dress shining just in the tone of her eyes. Samantha knew that she prepared for their dating anniversary simply with the dress and hairstyle that she knows to be her girlfriend's favorites, and that she was guiding them with a magnificent smile to the Italian restaurant that quickly became their favorite together. The white wine she ordered, the way she held her hand and provocatively slid her smooth leg in Sam's pants, as if she had everything planned to devour what was left of her heart, freely given in her hands.

But the last door is blown open at the moment of the brittle delight they shared.

Jack Spheer approached with superb joy, making himself surprised and not bothering to be shy or discreet. He came to pull Lena's chair and hug her with an alarming intimacy, sweeping her with a caress on her back and his face almost sunk in her hair. Sam crashed like a broken machine, another crystal glass almost cracking between her fingers.

He smiled at her, but he didn't let Lena go.

Lena pulled away a little and Sam couldn't hear what he started to say with that very white smile he offered Lena every time he saw her. He took her hand and gestured with enthusiasm and Lena seemed to try to calm him down to explain they could talk later, but he continued to chatter. Then he touched the sleeve of her dress with his fingertips and then her shoulder and Samantha had lost before she could contain it.

"You need to back off and take your hands off my girlfriend, now!"

When she realized, her eyes widened and she gasped suddenly. She was standing, fists clenched on the table, shattered crystal spilling white wine on the burgundy tablecloth, her breathing uncontrollable and all the restaurant customers looking at her in surprise. Jack Spheer looked like a child caught in mischief, almost stammering something she wouldn't hear, but Lena just looked appalled, big green eyes filled with confusion and some sort of incomprehensible fear.

She could do nothing but rip all the dollar bills out of her wallet, leave it on the table and hurry out with red cheeks and disorder running down her as if she were cracking from the inside out. She heard Lena's high heels behind her, but she couldn't stop. And surprisingly, inside the car it was absolutely silent, not even Frank dared to say a word when he saw the two entering separately and not to the touches and smiles as usual. It felt like it would never end and they would be forever trapped inside the silent car.

The beast was unleashed and she knew Lena was going to confront her.

In the apartment, she was circling under Lena's sharp gaze, trying to find some answer, some apology, some explanation that didn't sound awful and unforgivable. It couldn't be unforgivable. There was already too much inclemency behind her.

After the vacuum of unspoken words and very loud boots on the floor, Lena sighed almost exhausted "Sam... Sam, please, talk to me."

"I'm sorry." She exhaled, continuing to circle through space.

"You don't have to apologize. But I believe you owe me an explanation."

"I slipped." Samantha finally stopped and stared at her like a statue, like a soldier, cold and distant. "It won't happen again."

"Sam..." The tone made Lena retreat, crossing her arms in the middle of the living room. "You have been acting differently. I thought it was due to all these changes and I tried to give you all the space necessary, but I understand now that I misjudged the circumstances. Will you please talk to me about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about, really." Consumed by fear, Samantha was the one who retreated further. "You can tell Jack that was a misunderstanding, I was stressed and..."

"I'm not worried about Jack." Lena frowned. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm... I'm fine." Her voice sounded fragile and high, out of plumb.

"We don't..." Lena shook her head in disbelief and hurt. "We don't shut each other out like that. You have no right to withhold something that is between us that way, just as I haven't."

"Can we not make a big deal out of it?" For some reason, she couldn't get back to Lena. "This should be our happy fourth anniversary."

"Oh, but Jack had to show up and screw it up, didn't he?" Lena snarled.

"Yes!" She growled back impulsively, blinking confused a second later, turning to escape Lena's stern gaze. "No! I never said that, this is not about Jack! ”

"Then tell me what it is about, Samantha."

"It's about you!" She turned back sharply, her voice tearing at her throat, her hands trembling in the air and her eyes on the floor, coming and going in despair. "It's about you and all these people who always are where you are or going where you are, surrounding you like a bunch of schoolgirls, sighing and smiling, and they are all so bright and rich and interesting and it makes me so angry!"

It was crazy how quickly Lena's eyes changed from severity to devastating sadness and surprise, but Samantha just couldn't stop, the words coming out of her uncontrollably, her stomach boiling and aching.

"Because you're so good and beautiful and they can't help themselves, every single time we meet one of them will be there making eyes to you like I wasn't even there! And I don't know what to do with it, because I'm nothing like them, not even close, and I can only feel like they are going to sweep you away sooner or later or that I should wake up and get out of your way and the incredible lovers you can and deserve to have!"

She saw Lena's chest protruding erratically, tears welling up on her eyelids, that unbelievable sadness oppressing her in a way that her body seemed to shrink within herself, red lips parted and trembling, but the truth kept flowing as if Samantha had left it behind in that violent current and now the dam was breaking titanically.

"I know this is no excuse for my behavior, but I've been keeping it to myself for so long and I couldn't overwhelm you after all, moving to a new city, Lex and the trial, and it seemed so insignificant, it wasn't fair, it wasn't right, but I kept thinking and thinking and it doesn't make any sense for you to keep me when you have so many possibilities ahead for you!"

"You...?" Lena's voice was no more than a whisper, tears already streaming down her pale face. "Are you breaking up with me?"

The question was like another explosion, of a different kind, interrupting the current like a giant rock falling on Samantha's head. The unstoppable words suddenly curled on her tongue, the lack of oxygen finally felt, a throbbing migraine making her eyes squint. Because the question was definitive and answering it meant losing Lena forever or facing the problem in its entirety in a way that she wasn't sure she was able to handle.

"I..." She swallowed. "I need to breathe." The awkward response was the only thing she managed to say before taking a coat from the rack and running out the door, leaving Lena's silence and tears behind like a coward. She ran down the stairs, all seventeen floors down, almost tripping over the steps while her own tears clouded her eyes.

In the crash of the lobby doors, she staggered on the sidewalk, and the night wind was like feeling like she was coming out of the deep water onto a rough, but less desperate surface. Her back hit the building and she had to lean on her knees to keep from falling to the ground, her lungs burning with fresh air.

How did she make everything worse?

She put on her coat and wandered, watching the lights of the peaceful city as if looking for guidance of some sort. In every light there seemed to be Lena's eyes, eyes she loved so much it burned, crying fragile and shattered in front of her, repeating and repeating broken so that she knew that she messed up everything and hurt the only person who ever offered her more than empty promises, indifferent words and disappointed looks.

Just because she was too afraid.

She broke the woman she loves because she was too afraid.

She walked and walked almost with her eyes closed to the park, falling on one of the benches with her hands over her face and no more tears left to cry. It was so cold and all she wanted to do was run back and hold Lena in front of hearth and let the world change and be reborn and destroy itself outside, because that was everything, it was always the two of them, no matter if the world was chaotic or pacified, because they were always apart of it.

"Samantha?" A soft voice woke her up, making her almost jump in surprise on the bench to find FBI agent Alexandra Danvers with Detective Sawyer under her arm, beers in their hands, their faces flushed from a walk. "Samantha Arias?" The redhead repeated curiously, smiling at her.

"Agent Danvers." She straightened up and stood up, offering them both a handshake.

"Alex, please." The agent snorted playfully.

"So this is the famous Samantha?" The detective smiled and accepted the greeting. "I didn't get a chance to meet you when I was at L-Corp a while ago. It's good to give the name a clear face."

"Detective Sawyer." Sam tried to smile.

"Just Maggie." She laughed and followed the redhead.

"What are you doing out here, if I may ask?" Alex frowned, looking around. "I thought you and Lena would be celebrating."

"You know about that?" Sam stepped back, trying not to become defensive.

I kinda think everyone knows?" Maggie laughed, looking at Alex. "She has been talking about it since last week.

"About it since last week you mean the celebration, right, babe?" Alex followed the laughter, gently nodding to Samantha. "If there's one thing Lena does well besides science, it's talking about you, Miss Arias."

Samantha's eyes widened, the two other women not noticing as they started talking to each other.

"I told she was famous!" Maggie laid her forehead on Alex's chest, laughing happily. "Damn, the whole time she is talking about her girlfriend. To everyone!"

"Yeah, she just can't stop herself!" Alex tightened her arm around her. "I hardly knew her when I first visited the L-Corp lab and she couldn't stop talking about her beautiful Samantha."

"I must say that she was right." Maggie turned to Sam, who was still watching the conversation in disbelief. "She has a beautiful girlfriend." She blinked gallantly, making Sam blush.

"Well, well, is anyone trying to make me jealous?" Alex squinted, trying not to smile.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Alexandra Danvers." The detective puffed out her chest and smiled, kissing her cheek. "And luckily my girlfriend."

"I'm sorry, Miss Arias." Alex smiled at her, that charming friendliness in her voice. "We weren't making fun of you or trying to intrude. It's just cool how Lena looks like a passionate teenager when it comes to you, being her usually so serious and all." She shrugged, Maggie nodding reclining on her.

"You should go back." The detective smiled as if she had detected something, even though she didn't know what it was about, but it had to be huge to keep that woman wandering aimlessly on this date. "Lena also always seems concerned about you. I remember that she was very nervous before you arrived at the gala a few weeks ago."

They waved and left hugging, leaving Samantha with a heart running wild and all the wrong choices falling on her shoulders. She didn't know it was possible to feel the ground disappear under her feet so quickly while she felt like a fool of astronomical proportions, hiding in the darkness of a park while the woman she loves worries about her whereabouts alone.

Suddenly she was running back, because there was nothing else she could do. She couldn't leave, she couldn't pretend it never happened, she couldn't escape the current that never stops.

At some point she forgot that Lena was in the current with her, holding her against everything and everyone, she forgot that they shared and understood everything without judgment. She forgot all the reasons why she fell in love with Lena in the first place, because it had nothing to do with science or status or beauty or wealth. It was about nobility and greatness, kindness and the desire to make the world a better place, about having her laugh carefree, discovering brilliantly, loving and protecting fiercely.

It was about green eyes sparkling just for her and Lena making her feel like she could do and be anything even when her mind of wrecked memories constantly says she can't.

She gasped with aching muscles and cold in her bones until she was back in the apartment, dark and silent the way she left it. She never liked the darkness, because she spent most of her life in there, and it would be difficult to get in if the place and the presence weren't so familiar at this point. But they were. Everything about Lena took her back to this term she was never used to before: _Familiar_.

Only the lights on the outside allowed her to walk without tripping, small bright spots in the large windows like a trail. But her heart broke again when she saw Lena leaning over the kitchen island with a half bottle of whiskey and the cell phone on the marble signaling a call to her phone, which was vibrating incessantly on the couch where she had left it before she ran away.

And for the worst, Lena was looking at the door and she continued to stare at it when Sam came in and left her coat on the floor. It was like she was so immersed in her own anguish that she didn't realize Sam had just walked right through the door.

Of all the things she would like to do, between holding and kissing and asking for her forgiveness, Samantha sighed all the agony and dropped herself on the couch, picking up her cell phone with an almost unintelligible certainty after all.

She pressed it to her ear and answered it. "Hey, babe."

Her voice came over the speakerphone and Lena hung up the remote to put it in her own ear, her eyes closed, her head falling upwards in a wistful sigh. "Sam... What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry. I was stuck in the park." She stared at Lena's shaky silhouette on the other side of the apartment.

"You should not go out without your phone. An emergency may require it."

"I know." She laughed weakly. "I really should buy that super multipurpose watch with a phone that you designed."

"It would be useful." Lena took a deep breath. "You came back..." And again, a hoarse and undoubtedly painful sound. "To get some of your belongings..." Her voice shook and a sob almost came with the sound. "Or you..."

Sam swore she could have crushed the device in her hands, her eyes filling with warm tears and her body moving involuntarily, jumping over the couch and the coffee table to run to the kitchen. She took Lena in her arms, tipping the bottle onto the island, amber whiskey dripping on the marble, and Lena clung back to her immediately, shaking and crying and sobbing in her neck. Feeling her skin, her breath, even her pain, all her life and all the commotion, Samantha just wished she could hold her like this for forever in their safe place.

"I came back because this is my home, you are my home and I couldn't go anywhere else." She cried with her and held her tight.

Lena's crying became almost a supplication of pain and relief, her nails driven into Sam's back, tears soaking her shirt, the bodies almost occupying the same space in a desperate and appeasing pressure and Samantha wants to punish herself for causing such torment to her.

"You can't leave me." Lena whimpered over her skin. "You can't."

"How could I?" Tears edged around Sam's sad smile like the recourse of a river and she carried Lena in her arms until they are on the couch, the scientist huddled in her lap. "How could I give up on the best thing that ever happened to me? How could I be that stupid?"

Lena laughed bitterly and slowly moved her hands to hold Sam's face, leaning down to kiss her so gently, so slowly, as if she were reluctantly testing the reality of touch and presence, tasting tears and lipstick and cold wind and everything Sam recognized as theirs ultil they fell into suspended silence, foreheads leaning back, breathing on each other.

"Sam..." Lena broke down after a while still fragile.

"I'm so sorry." Sam sighed and stared at her twisted expression of anguish, pushing strands of black hair from her face. "I should nev..."

"Nothing about you is insignificant." Lena interrupted her, finally opening green eyes surrounded by red and the liquid sheen of tears. Samantha widened hers, not daring to dispute the word, remembering the conversation earlier. "You don't master science because it's not what you chose, it's not what you love, not because you're incapable. You don't go around risking your life to save people in trouble because I would never accept it, because it would kill me with worry. You're my extraordinary business woman, who keeps L-Corp whole so I can do what I truly love to do and I wouldn't trade you for any genius scientist or or rich big shot in the entire universe."

"Lena..." She whispered, her heart swelling and melting.

"You're my hero. Saving me every day from my loneliness and miserable memories that I can't always handle alone. Making me feel loved and comfortable and free. You make me so happy, I don't even care about the science and the politics, because with you I’m unarmed and out of combat and I’m so sorry that I didn’t let you know that every day..."

"Stop." Sam shook her head, propelling herself to take Lena's lips again, her whole body aching with those words and her need to show love for that woman speaking louder to sweep her into the deep, languid kiss, her hands firmly on Lena's waist. "Please, stop." She gasped. "You don't apologize. Not about this. You're the most selfless person I've ever met and no one has ever treated me with kindness the way you do. You gave me everything. There's nothing missing."

"Except there is." She cried again, stroking Sam's hair. "Because you didn't feel like you could talk to me about it. And I thought we could talk about everything."

"We can." Sam touched her saddened face. "I was ashamed and out of line..."

"Out of line?" Lena laughed and Samantha vibrated with the sound. "If you knew how jealous I can be, we would be ashamed together most of the time."

"You..." Sam frowned. "What?"

"Sam..." She rolled her eyes adorably. "How can you just not notice the amount of people almost hurling themselves at you? Andrea had the audacity to ask me for you number."

"Oh..." She nodded even more embarrassed. "I feel like an idiot."

"You're not." A single tear slid down Lena's face again and Sam gently picked it up with her thumb. "And don't you dare talk about yourself that way again. Never again. Because now I think we both know there’s more baggage in there than a hint of jealousy, Sam."

For a moment she wondered if she would run away from the sentence if it weren't for Lena's hands holding her jaw and caressing her with all the tenderness in the world.

"I know." She tried to dodge those beautiful green eyes, but Lena held her tightly.

"Eyes on me, darling." Lena kissed her temple, their eyes met and her smile lit up the darkness of the apartment. "We will handle this and we will be just fine. Because you held me while I learned to fight for myself and choose happiness and I will hold you every step of the way. Because I'm not losing you."

"And I'm not letting myself to get lost from you." Sam smiled back, feeling fully pacified for the first time since they arrived in National City.

"You promise?" The sadness dissipated, but the fear was still in Lena's eyes and Sam pulled her in for another kiss, even more passionate, even more surrendered, all the promises made on the lips and caresses.

"I promise." She held and kissed her hands.

"I love you, Sam." Lena whispered at last. "This is the whole sense. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes sense. And if you ever threaten to leave me again, I swear I will..."

Sam laughed heartily and interrupted the scolding with another kiss, deeper than all the others, hungriest, filled again by that feeling that only exists in Lena, which brought comfort and home and meaning to everything she had to face to get here.

The sweet unique sensation of familiarity.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for getting here. Hope to see you guys soon. :)
> 
> Find me on twitter: @dokkstormur.


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